Dating In Usa From A Nigerian Man''s Perspective
| Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 9:34pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
I have gone through this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5782313/chai-nigerian-girls-canada-lonely/5 , its comments and the response it got from a Nigerian -Canadian lady. I was able to relate to so many of them - being a Nigerian student in the United States. Hence, the need to give my perspective. (1). ALMOST ALL “FRESH OFF THE BOAT” IMMIGRANTS ARE LONELY Contrary to the perception that was created on the other thread that Nigerian ladies in Canada are lonely, loneliness knows no sex. It hits both men and women - particularly those who are fresh immigrants. (2). MANY NIGERIAN GIRLS ABROAD SET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS(THE KIND OF GUY THEY WANT)AT A YOUNG AGE. I have met with several Nigerian - American girls here and even international students who came from Nigeria. In the course of my interactions with them, I noticed a pattern of behavior, most of the Nigerian girls(both Nigerian - Americans and Nigerian foreign students) who are below the age of 24 always have an ‘image’ of the guy they want. Many(do take note that my choice of words are MANY/MOST and not ALL) of them will always tell you that “he has to be very handsome, rich, tall, sociable (which could also mean a party freak/a guy who loves binge drinking). They will also tell you that he has to be responsible, and many more, according to them”. When you however delineate all of these requirements, you will realize that they are unrealistic. It is hard to find a guy who possesses all of these qualities at the same time - and even when you luckily get to meet one of such- the reality could be: he is already in a relationship, he does not like you or there is no connection between the two of you. More so, expecting a Nigerian guy(particularly a foreign student) to have it all figured out( be rich, handsome, sociable, this and that) at the age of 22 is insane. Many of these girls continue to view guys from this prism of expectations until when they clock 25years plus and reality begins to set in. They will now start realizing that their initial expectations are not logical. They will discover that the rich, tall, sociable and handsome guy they wanted at the age of 20 could be a cheater while the struggling guy who they looked down on during their Junior year in college could now be earning 7figures - just three years after they looked down on him. Life is a process and we all are still growing. It is better to look out for potentials, hunger for success, drive and discipline instead of creating unrealistic checklists at a young age. Many of these girls(and even guys) set their expectations based on what they see on social media - ignoring the fact that the reality of Davido and Chioma or Beyoncé and Jay Z is unlikely to be your own reality. By the time many people realize life does not work according to certain checklists, they would have lost some years and funny enough - the guy or girl they probably looked down on earlier could now be their dream partner albeit too late. (3). THE AVERAGE NIGERIAN ABROAD PREFERS TO MARRY A FELLOW NIGERIAN BUT THINGS SOMETIMES CHANGE DUE TO HURTFUL EXPERIENCES When I first arrived in the United States, it was easier for me to interact with Oyinbo girls than most Nigerian-American/Nigerian girls. Most(not all) of the Nigerian girls I met here were so evasive and arrogant then. This was a time I needed a lot of help - in terms of settling down, making new friends, staying connected to my roots and stuff like that. I never even thought of dating anyone then - I just wanted good friends in a foreign land but many of the feedback I got made it seem as if I was trying to “shoot a shot” and I should stay off them. In fact, on many occasions, it’s either my messages(some as innocent as: “Hello, please, which of these stores is the most reliable grocery store in this neighborhood)”? or my greetings were ignored or I was completely ghosted. Some of them even described me as a “FRESH OFF THE BOAT” guy who they don’t want to be friends with. I found it somewhat sad because many of these privileged Nigerian kids are children of Nigerian immigrants who were also once foreign students that even worked as cleaners, drivers and the likes when they first arrived in the US before they eventually settled down to become Doctors, Engineers, Businessmen, etc. So, watching some of their kids act cocky towards a ”newly arrived Nigerian” was sad - because the struggles he/she is facing now were what their parents faced 20-30 years ago. While I was struggling to settle down, I got more support from foreigners - there were Americans who took me to different stores, taught me how to use the city transportation system, how to save cost and adjust to the American society and system. These were some of the forms of support I needed from my Nigerian sisters(NOTE : over 98% of the Nigerians I saw upon resumption are females). On the other hand, there were girls from North African countries and other parts of the world who love Nigerian guys die. Kudos to our music industry: many foreigners love/rate Nigerian guys due to our afro beat artistes and our love for dance/faajii, big weddings and surprisingly - the way we treat our women. These foreign babes bought me unsolicited gifts and offered to pay for my food(which I stubbornly refused) on numerous occasions. In fact, there was an American friend that unsolicitedly cooked for me during Thanksgiving period - she cooked it in her family house, drove down to my apartment and gave it to me. Thus, if I was so desperate to date anyone at that time, it would definitely have been a foreigner. Yet, I continued to love and support my Nigerian sisters and the Nigerian community. In fact, deep inside of me, I continued to convince myself that when the time is right - I would rather date and marry a Nigerian girl as opposed to any other nationality. This was despite the fact that I was friends with just only one Nigerian(she’s Nigerian - American) girl at that time - who was already dating a Caribbean guy and I was equally not even searching for a girlfriend at that time. The reality here is: most guys are not that patient to wait for a Nigerian babe or tolerate such hurtful experiences. Many would have gone for the Oyinbo girls or any other foreigner who treated them nicely even if they had planned to date a Nigerian ab initio. (4). WE SHOULD ALL BE REALISTIC AND STAY TRUE TO OURSELVES. Looking for ready made girls or guys at a young age is one of the major reasons behind loneliness among Nigerians in the diaspora. The fact that a guy or a girl just arrived the US/Canada(to study) from Lagos or Onitsha today - with a heavy accent, awkward dressing, low bank account balance, etc... does not mean he cannot be as smart, sociable, and successful as Obama in a few years. If there is one thing I know about we Nigerians, it’s that: virtually all of us have great potentials and we desire greatness in life. We are very ambitious and we are willing to give all it takes to achieve our dreams - howbeit the stifling environment in Naija is usually a great hindrance to our successes. Nevertheless, we are all in the process of becoming who we hope to be. Thus, while we endure this process: why can’t we all just be realistic, support each other to be better individuals, achieve phenomenal successes together and serve as a beacon of hope to those who look up to us back home in Nigeria? [/b]Why must we make major life decisions like relationships based on mostly unrealistic checklists when we both can evolve together to meet the desires of our heart and soul? [b] We should not focus on what only pleases our eyes but what satisfies our heart and soul - that is what makes long lasting relationships. Beauty will fade. Money will fail at some point but what will make it last, forever is: character, strength, discipline and love of God. [/b]Eventually, most of the girls who treated me badly when I first arrived here later wanted us to be friends after they read, saw or heard some things about me. While I will forever love my Nigerian sisters, coalescing around guys only when they look like what you want should not be so. Life does not work that way. Anybody could rise! There are potentials in every corner of the world. What people need are opportunities and when these opportunities meet potentials, preparations, hard work and the grace of God - greatness is inevitable.[b] As Nigerian men abroad, we must love and respect our women. We must treat them as priorities - come what may! We must also support and cherish them because they embody our beauty, greatness and strength. Our Nigerian sisters must also realize that Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge was not built in a day - it took years of efforts, investments and transformation for it to become the darling of our Nollywood movies. In other words, that a guy does not entirely look like it today does not mean he will never get there. So far he has the potentials, he can even be more - with time and hard work, he can be way more than your unrealistic checklist. Can we now start looking at the heart and not the checklist? This O.P writes from +1412, United States of America. 730 Likes 78 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 9:37pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
ON A FINAL NOTE: Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer. If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad. Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this. WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA. 390 Likes 35 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 9:41pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Mtcheeewwwwww All of you should go to bed already, you have all overworked your brains today. 185 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by helinues: 9:42pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
ALMOST ALL “FRESH OFF THE BOAT” IMMIGRANTS ARE LONELY That only applies to serious minded people. MANY NIGERIAN GIRLS ABROAD SET UNREALISTIC EXCEPTIONS(THE KIND OF GUY THEY WANT)AT A YOUNG AGE Above average Nigerians girls whether home or abroad always set unrealistic wishes.. My husband must be rich, he must have cars and houses before we get married, my sister, na Alhaji fourth wives you go be las las THE AVERAGE NIGERIAN ABROAD PREFERS TO MARRY A FELLOW NIGERIAN BUT THINGS SOMETIMES CHANGE DUE TO HURTFUL EXPERIENCES You can't give what you don't have.. We practice fake love in Nigeria due to our hypocrisy hence failure in friendship not to talk of relationship (4). WE SHOULD ALL BE REALISTIC AND STAY TRUE TO OURSELVES The real bitter kola to average Nigerians.. We act and pretend what we are not. Staying real and true give one true happiness . 117 Likes 6 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 9:45pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
38 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 9:45pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Ariza: Lol. No vex. I’m only trying to share my experience. I know a lot of people will find it helpful. I also found the previous threads helpful - so I decided to also add to the conversation. 291 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 9:46pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Kweensavvy: Perspectives differ. 199 Likes 6 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 9:51pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Crispels:It is getting too much abeg, talk something else. 12 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Angelacruz: 9:52pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
69 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 10:17pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
As much as I would love to say this matter has been over flogged.... I'd like to say it's educating and an added info. Your points are valid, and as a Nigerian girl, I've learnt one or two from the three threads today. THANKS 282 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by ojun50(m): 10:19pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Op We are more concern about Covid 19 increasing in Nigeria...later we will come back to discuss this after the borders have been open. Thank you... We all knw say Nigerian girls get problem both home and abroad 95 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Jbravo58(m): 11:34pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
@Op..... You just made the common sense from all the treads I've read on NL today. To add to it all, situation like this occurs to everyone one phase or the other in your life with both your people or foreign nationality (most especially people with different perspective of life than yours.), except you want to forever remain where you're without relocating to another state or country. 59 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by scoundrel(f): 11:45pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
...and the response threads keep coming. *eye roll*. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 11:53pm On Apr 09, 2020 |
Crispels:Your find out your fellow blacks born in America or Canada with African parents are the ones that will discriminate against you and have the most hate for new Africans immigrants referring to them as'Fresh of the boat' and 'African booty scratcher'. We have suffered lol. Don't even get me started on black Americans, they just hate Africans. 105 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by missimelda01(f): 12:10am On Apr 10, 2020 |
But wait, why is love and relationship this complicated? If you're in Nigeria, problem.. out of Nigeria, problem In the midst of all this brouahah, there's still someone out there meant for you. 75 Likes 7 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 1:52am On Apr 10, 2020 |
RuudVanNisteroy: Lol. Not all black Americans are like that tho. I have great black American friends. The problem is: so many Nigerian immigrants come here “extremely hungry for success” and they end up achieving a lot within a short time - which sometimes lead to tension between immigrants from Africa and native black Americans. They believe we are taking their positions in America after our ancestors sold them during slave trade and that we didn’t experience the difficulties they experienced - slavery, fight for civil rights and stuff like that. Many Nigerians abroad are also too loud as well - they tend to show off their landmark successes and some now have the mentality that “if an average Nigerian can come from a village in Nigeria to become an Engineer or a Millionaire(in dollars) in the US, then any native black American who is struggling to be somebody in life as an American is lazy and unserious”. The black Americans hear and see these things and they feel insulted that after we(not us but our ancestors tho) sold them to slavery, we still have the effrontery to come to America to ride them anyhow we like. They believe Nigerians thrive in America because they made it possible for us: they are the ones who fought for equality in the US and stuff like that. That is why many black Americans feel weird when some statistics show that over 77% of black doctors in the US are Nigerians and that majority of the blacks being admitted to ivy League schools are Nigerians and Nigerian - Americans. They feel that we are reaping where we did not sow and many of our fellow Nigerians are also not humble enough about their successes. They blow their trumpets so loud that it invites envy from black Americans and even immigrants from other African countries. About two months ago, I was in Washington DC when one of my professors(who is a White American) confessed to a diverse gathering of people that Nigerians are very smart, hard working and talented(I was the only Nigerian there). Immediately after my professor said it, one other African immigrant there began to feel uncomfortable and she had to say it publicly that “Nigerians have not done or achieved enough to earn the hype people have for them in America”. I just smiled and kept quiet. I’ve learned not to be too loud about myself in the US because when they see that you are moving faster than them, they may begin to see you as a threat and plot bad things toward you. Many Nigerians abroad also need to learn this - it’s better to be humble and not make noise about your achievements. In the end, as a Nigerian in the US, I do not have any superiority or inferiority complex towards anyone - regardless of race,nationality, sex, orientation or social status. In fact, it saddens my heart when I see African immigrants and black Africans having misunderstandings. The reason being that: these black Americans are also our brothers and sisters if we want to be true to ourselves. All my black American friends have Nigerian DNA. In fact, some of them are over 87% Nigerians(according to the results of their ancestry/DNA test). So, I see no reason why we all(black Americans, Nigerians, Nigerian -Americans, all African immigrants) cannot love each other and support ourselves. Many Nigerians and Nigerian -Americans need to be more humble about their phenomenal successes as well albeit people should not try to downplay the immense efforts, pains, sacrifices, hard work and drive that most Nigerians abroad pour into life to achieve great things. [/b]Finally, we all should not dwell in the past. We cannot change what happened during the slave trade - it was an unfortunate incidence but that is now history. More so, we were not the ones that sold them into slavery and not all African immigrants have condescending opinions about black Americans. Majority of us love them and we see them as a part of us. African immigrants should see black Americans as their brothers and sisters, vice versa. We all need to work together and put our differences/biases aside. [b] IN THE END, WE ARE ALL AFRICANS! ONE LOVE!!! 362 Likes 32 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 3:10am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels:We would get more respect if our countries were well functioning societies. They also have ignorant stereotypes about us. 38 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by LadyHeaven(f): 3:28am On Apr 10, 2020 |
@Crispels, nice unbiased write up, I actually enjoyed your thread than the others, you seem to genuinely care about the black race, which a lot of us would rather disavow. I got wise nuggets that would serve me well going forward in my migration dream/plan. I wish you much luck in your hustles. 160 Likes 14 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 4:42am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels:What about the Africans that went to high school in America. You should hear the stories of how they were treated by black Americans. They just have little respect for Africans attributes and once they hear the Nigerian accent it is over for you. 33 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by SweetCunt97(f): 4:50am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Yes! Nigerian men need to drop that male dominance bullshit. You both can't be working and you expect her to slave away in the kitchen all by herself while you watch television.. No no no. Anyways, we'll get there some day, afterall the west had male dominance some decades ago before the rise of feminism breaking their women free from the shackles of male dominated oppression. 37 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 5:02am On Apr 10, 2020 |
RuudVanNisteroy: Exactly. This is very important. No matter where we migrate to - Nigeria will always be home. We can never change our DNA - we are forever Nigerians whether we like it or not. Thus, whatever happens to Nigeria happens to us anywhere in the world. When Nigeria gets fixed, most of these ignorant foreigners will start respecting the country. It’s hard for Americans or Chinese to look down on Emiratis living among them because they know their home country is also doing well. 44 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 5:07am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels:They can never look down on Japanese or Koreans. Once we fix the country, we will be respected everywhere we go. And also when Nigerians who go abroad become good ambassadors. 37 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by zexy2030(m): 6:24am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Ariza:was it necessary for u to book a space, why don't u read comments, u sound pained dear 24 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by zexy2030(m): 6:28am On Apr 10, 2020 |
SweetCunt97:hey babe, didn't ur mum teach you? that a woman's responsibility is to take care of the man, the kid and the home. And the man is expected to provide for his family? But if u r part of the provider, why won't he assist in the kitchen, some men recognise this and join the wife in the home chores. 143 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by zexy2030(m): 6:30am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels:beautiful insight bro. thanks for sharing. 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by HeavenlyCherub(f): 6:57am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels: Honestly I think you have good points in your paragraphs. I agree that as women we shouldn’t single out every man who isn’t walking in their purpose at that given time. However I would never advise anyone to settle. Some of the financially challenged/student men who come to the US, a very large percentage have taken advantage of good women all in the name of love. I can only use myself as an example. I have dated guys who weren’t stable financially so I can only try help my fellow sisters. Man 1: Yoruba guy - I dated him for 5 years. Great guy however refused to self improve. He did yahoo. I found out about it and tried to make him stop and do legit as I wouldn’t want our foundation built on potential blood money. He refused a legit job and informed me he knew “the life he wanted for himself and 9 to 5 was not it.” This is because he was consumed by lifestyle and driving range rovers and a Porsche’s. I stuck with him for love but I refused to marry him or his proposal as he didn’t believe in taking care of a woman. He was very selfish (during the course of a 5 year relationship this man never gave me any assistance for upkeep - mind you I didn’t need his money as I do very well for myself but every woman wants their man to be able to support and provide in small ways. This shows me you’re stable and can support our family should we hit hard times. He would always ask me why I need money and what I do with the money I earn. $10 to buy a panty he could not even do, but he stayed embellished in Gucci, LV and Prada. He also had a baby on me and begged me to raise the child with him if it was his after dna...I was scared toput myself in that position as a time when I have to depend on him will come and he would not man up as he should so I broke it off. He proposed I said no. . No way I can submit to a man like that?.. Man 2: was an international student, the devil himself in human form, they say respect them, support them and let them reach goals.. this guy I supported financially for months, paved a way for him to get his paperwork.. loved and supported. He was nice at first but when we started dating he started changing. Abusing me for not giving 5k usd and not wanting to marry him for green card... I thank God for protecting me from that one chance. He is the biggest regret and bad mistake I ever made in my life. So disheartening you support someone and they physically, verbally abuse you and blame you for the wrong going on in their life... read my story on my profile from 2 years ago for more context Note: I myself am not perfect and I’m constantly working on self improving and strengthening my bond with Christ. I’m big on giving advice to others so they won’t repeat the same mistakes I have made. My aunt always told me never to date down. Never settle and I did. All the women waiting...wait for Gods time don’t force or rush things because you want to get married. You will end up with someone who puts baggage on you and breaks you emotionally, physically, financially etc. Let Go and Let God. If it’s his will for your life it will be. Don’t leave worse off then you started. I also have a friend she married someone coming straight from naija. They lived as man and wife 3 years. He got his green card and went back to Nigeria to marry his real girlfriend. I truly dislike when men put down women like this post. Marriage is not an accomplishment. It will be nice to find a compatible companion but sister- you are enough as you are. Don’t let anyone rush you. Some are happy but many more want to get out of the marriage you are rushing to. Be wise and Let God lead. Pray for God to give you discernment. Marriage is life and that’s a long journey. Don’t end up with the wrong person because of societal pressure and advice from OP above. I have said my own 200 Likes 26 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 7:25am On Apr 10, 2020 |
HeavenlyCherub: Wow! What an experience you’ve had. I honestly admit the fact that some Nigerian guys here have a history of messing up women which is terribly bad. They always think it’s smartness but to me it’s wickedness. They only make things difficult for innocent people. I’m sorry about all that happened sis and I pray you get to heal from all of these. There are innocent Nigerian guys who would forever appreciate this kind of support from a Nigerian babe but with stories like that - they will find it difficult. Nigerian men needs to do better. Many Naija guys here have messed up with black American women in the name of settling down/green cards and that has also not really been helpful to our image out there. If you don’t like someone or you don’t see a wife in such person, just let her be! COMMON!!!!! Although, I’ve also seen cases where Naija guys filed for the green cards of their babes from Naija - only for these babes to turn against them after they got what they wanted. Some of them even got divorced and the guys were ruined forever. We all need to do better. 73 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by SweetCunt97(f): 9:29am On Apr 10, 2020 |
zexy2030:But many do not understand. No body wants a house wife in this age so it's sensible to also assist in house chores. 20 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Crispels(m): 11:36am On Apr 10, 2020 |
RuudVanNisteroy: I think even the young black Americans have been indoctrinated since they were kids with the idea that Africans from Africa sold them into slavery and that we are now coming to America to take what belongs to them - enjoy what we didn’t fight for. That could explain the reason behind such hostility. 16 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Laghima: 11:59am On Apr 10, 2020 |
67 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by Nobody: 11:59am On Apr 10, 2020 |
Crispels:It was after the movie 'Boy N The Hood' came out, which is a cult classic for Black Americans the term 'African booty scratcher' become popular. They even mocked us in movies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMIByD3mTiQ 3 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Loneliness & Dating Abroad: Perspectives of a Nigerian Student in The U.S by zexy2030(m): 12:49pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
SweetCunt97:But some women can be so lazy, that they will leave it as ur job, especially if she earns more than you. So nauseating attitude. 15 Likes 2 Shares |
(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10) ... (17) (Reply)
My Girlfriend Smelled Of Condom Down There And I Broke Up With Her / Apprentice Mechanic Dies During Sex Romp With Food Vendor / Man Dies Having Sex With 4 Ladies In Lagos
(Go Up)
Sections: politics(1)businessautos(1)jobs(1)careereducation(1)romancecomputersphonestravelsportsfashionhealth Links: (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2021 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 569 |
Welcome to the USA!
This guide has been prepared for International students to read and refer to during your time here. It gives you information about American customs and describes some points that may be different from your culture.
What makes studying abroad fun and interesting is the opportunity to observe and learn about the culture and traditions of people on your campus and in your community. It can also be helpful to know how other people will expect you to behave, and will behave toward you while you’re away from home. Having a basic understanding of culture and etiquette can help avoid awkward misunderstandings for you, the people you meet, and the new friends you’ll make!
We’re very pleased that you’ve chosen to study in the USA, here at Penn State Harrisburg in Middletown, Pennsylvania, and we wish you many good experiences while you’re here with us!
Thank you to our Global Ambassadors who shared their insights and experiences in this guide. Thanks also to Wendy Moynihan, the coordinator of the International Student Support Services, who put together this much-needed resource.
Alcohol/Smoking/Drugs
Drinking under the age of 21 is illegal.
It is a crime to serve alcohol to someone under age 21.
Smoking isn’t allowed in most public places. There are typically designated “smoking areas”.
Buying and selling illicit drugs is illegal in the U.S. If you are found with these drugs, you may be arrested.
Animals/Pets
Americans tend to love their pets and see them as “part of the family”.
For the better or for the worse, Americans will spend a lot of their time and money on pets.
There are animal protection laws to prevent animal cruelty.
The most popular pets in the U.S. are dogs, cats, hamsters, and fish.
Classroom Etiquette
Class discussion and participation are HIGHLY encouraged and may contribute to the overall grade.
Students remain seated when the professor arrives or when the student’s name is called.
Attendance is expected and critical.
Understanding, not just memorizing class material is important.
Some professors allow eating and chewing gum in class. Check with your faculty or follow syllabus regulations.
“Since I did not come to the United States until last summer, everything for me was new at the very beginning. First, I think people here are welcoming. Usually when people in China see strangers, they ignore them and keep doing what they are doing. Things are different here, however. When I’m walking on campus, people I don’t even know say hello or smile at me all the time. Now, when I see them, I will do the same thing. But in China, I don’t think I would ever do that. People in China might think you are creepy or strange. They would ask, “I do not even know her, why is she smiling at me?” I always pay attention to those little things. Maybe some international students will not regard it as a big deal, but this makes me feel like Penn State Harrisburg is a big family.
Secondly, almost every professor allows us to eat during class. If eating can help students concentrate better in class, why not? It differs from my hometown, since eating in class is totally banned. One day, I did not have enough time to have lunch, so I brought some cookies to class. I didn’t know students could take a bite of food here, so I grabbed the cookie quickly into my month when the professor turned back to write on the board. My friend sitting next to me wrote “What R U DOING” on her notebook, and I wrote “EATING” back. She laughed out loud after class and told me that I did not have to act like this, because most professors allow us to do so.
Also, the relationship between professors and students is more like friendship. In China, we have been told that it is necessary to show respect to our teachers. We have to be serious and there is almost no joking in the classroom. Everything in class is formal. However, I experienced something totally different here. My English teacher sometimes brought homemade desserts to us. I still remember when she knew my birthday was coming, she baked a special kind of cookies for all of my classmates and they sang the Happy Birthday song to me. I was touched by this and I will never forget it, since I would never have this experience if I still studied in my home country.” (Ziyuhan 'Ariel' Wang, China)
“A funny story that happened to me during my second week in the US happened when I was in my first class. All the students had gotten to the class before the professor did and some of them were chatting and a couple of them were eating. One student behind me was eating peppers or something and the professor walked in and said, “Hey Peter, the pepper smells good” and just continued on with the class. This was different from back home where we were not even allowed to chew gum, let alone eating anything in class.
During our classes back in India we had to stand up whenever we were addressed by the professor or whenever they walked in. In India, we could not use our cell phones during class. We would have to learn everything by heart instead of understanding the whole thing as opposed to here where the learning methods are more logical and practical. Class participation is important back home, but doesn’t count as much as the final exams which pretty much decide our grades for a semester. Assignments and homework do not contribute to a major part of our grade like they do here.” (Adi Divakar Venu, India)
Dating Etiquette
When a person says, “no”, he/she means “no”.
If a women is dressed immodestly, it is NOT an invitation for men.
“If you ask many Nigerian young adults or teenagers, the dating culture is not as prominent in Nigeria as it is in many Western cultures. However, when we do date, we have some rules that guide how we date. Similarly, in the United States there are some unwritten rules or social laws that people are expected to know when dating. So I have summed up in this short piece a couple that I have learned here:

- It is not always the man who asks: In some cultures, women are seen as promiscuous if they ask a man on a date, however, in the United States, the “asker” is not limited by gender. Women can freely initiate the dating process without being seen as committing a taboo.
- A date is a planned activity: If you watch some American romantic comedies, you would notice that when a couple goes out on a date, they actually put effort into planning an activity that they could term as a date. Activities could include but are not limited to: going out for dinner/lunch/breakfast, going to watch a movie, playing golf, or even going to a theme park. The point is, there should be some sort of effort in planning the date, especially on the part of the person who asked the other on a date.
- Dates do not always go well, and that is alright: A date is a chance for you to get to know someone more, and many times on dates, you find that both of you are not exactly compatible and that is ok. You are not bound to continue seeing a person because you went on a date. You can always end a relationship after a date. However, it is advisable to wait a few days and explain it in person, not by phone or by text or by email, (or for some, by a note through a pigeon) some things are better done in person.
- A date is not an invitation for sex: A date is not a gateway for sex. A person is not obligated to have sexual relations with you just because you went on a date. Be aware that in the United States having sex without the consent of the other person is considered as rape and is an offense punishable by law. Also know that consent cannot be giving while a person is intoxicated or in an unstable state, and you should never presume a person has given consent unless the person clearly states it.
- Have fun: Remember that the point of a date is not only to get to know a person a little better but also to have fun while doing so. A date does not always lead to a full-on relationship and is not a marriage proposal. So do not stress it, have fun and be yourself; if all else fails, you can always say that you had a good time.” (Temi Famadewa, Nigeria)
Dress and Modesty Standards
Students tend to dress casually during the daytime at school.
Most Americans have no problem shopping in their sweatpants!
Women may dress immodestly, but it is NOT an invitation for men.
“People are able to wear different types of clothes as long as they don’t violate rules, but each organization, gathering, party, etc., has different dress codes. So before going anywhere make sure you know their dress code, otherwise, you can wear whatever you want. For example, when you go for an interview you need to wear a formal suit. Clothes should be neat and you need to change them every day. People don’t judge others by their appearance and dress.
Women may dress immodestly (in your opinion and in comparison with women in your country), but it is not a signal or an invitation for men. For example, my aunt went to New York City couple of weeks ago and saw some young and beautiful girls who didn’t wear bras. She asked one police officer about it and he told her it is not illegal in New York.
For students from Islamic countries, it may be weird to see men/women with shorts but after a while it will be normal. Also, Muslim women can wear scarves without any restriction.” (Amir Sodeifi, Iran)
Driving Laws and Etiquette
Always wear your seat belt when driving and require your passengers to wear seatbelts, too.
Honking your horn means a lot in America and can make drivers angry if it seems unnecessary. Limit how often you honk your horn.
Texting while driving is illegal.
It is important to have cash with you when driving to pay for tolls that are required. Credit cards are not acceptable.
In the States, you must STOP at least 10 feet away from a school bus when you see it stopped with its lights on or its sign extended. You must stay at a stop until the lights are off, the sign is retracted, and the bus begins to move.
“People here always wear their seat belts even when they sit in the back seat. I know in most countries, such as China, only the driver and front seat passenger wear their seat belts.
People here prefer long distance driving rather than taking a train or flight.
People prefer to drive fast, and they regularly exceed the speed limit by 10 miles per hour. Once, I asked my classmate to practice driving with me, because I had not passed the road test the first time. He asked me to speed up all the time on the way to PennDot. Finally he said, “Calida, you drive like an old person, like my mum! That is the main reason you failed the test. Do not worry, drive like Americans!” Last month, I went to downtown Philadelphia for an interview. I drove uphill, stopped at a crossing, and then I began going across the street. When I was at the top of the hill, I saw a car passing me quickly. At the same time, a voice said to me, “It is all over, because neither of you see each other and you are so close to him.” But, I fortunately survived! You know why? I learned to drive like an American!” (Chao 'Calida' Gao, China)
“If you are a driver, make sure your car has all the inspections, registration, and insurance. DO NOT drive without insurance and have all documents with you. Wearing seat belts is mandatory, no matter what seat you are using. Driving in the lanes is mandatory and for changing lanes you must use turn signals. In big cities, people often use the car horn and rarely drive politely. You have to open the lane for emergency vehicles. When the police want you to stop, pull over in a safe zone, leave your seat belt on, open your window, put your hands on the steering wheel, and don’t make any suspicious movement (such as opening the glove box, etc.). Since people may have guns, police stop behind the car.
One of my friends came here a few years ago and when he was driving, he saw a police car behind his car. He continued driving but the police car was still following him. He was thinking the police officer wanted to pass, so he reduced his speed but the officer continued to follow him. After a while, he pulled over and saw other officers who came toward him. It took a while until the police officer checked his information and asked him why he didn’t pull over right away. He was lucky that the officer realized he was an international student and new driver, so the officer allowed him to continue driving. In my country, when the police want to stop you, they stop in front of your car.
Extra activities (e.g. texting, eating, putting on makeup, shaving, etc.) while driving are illegal and may cause accidents. You should pay attention to all signs especially in construction zones.
It is illegal to drive less than 15 mph below the posted speed limit, so try to drive with the flow. If not, use your flashers.
People on bikes are required to follow the same laws as other drivers.
In yielding and merging pay attention to other drivers (especially the absent-minded ones) and keep your distance with other vehicles.
The link below can help you to learn more about different traffic laws.” (Amir Sodeifi, Iran) http://teendriving.aaa.com/PA/going-solo/
“After only being in America for 3 months and driving with my international license, I came to an intersection with a school bus that had its stop sign extended. I came to a complete stop and then proceeded. However, the school bus was still there. I received a $368 fine in the mail!” (Ana Patricia Aguilera Hermida, Mexico)
Eating Culture and Etiquette
In general, Americans eat quietly with their mouths closed.
Burping is seen as rude, not as a compliment to the cook.
Americans like sweets!
Generally, Americans have a more casual form of hospitality.
Burgers, sandwiches, and pizza are eaten with hands, instead of utensils.
Americans tend to value convenience when it comes to food. They don’t spend as much time cooking and savoring their food. The pace of life has lent itself to the success of fast food restaurants, convenience stores, pizza delivery, and “carry out” options.
Most Americans eat three times a day. Cold cereal with milk is common. However, toast, fruit, bagels, yogurt, and eggs are common breakfast options too. People in U.S. usually eat a light lunch and typically eat it “on-the-go”. Lunch possibilities include soup, sandwiches, or a salad. This is normally eaten between 12 and 2pm. The evening meal is the largest of the three meals and is typically eaten between 5:30pm and 7:00pm. This meal is called “supper” or “dinner”. Common meals include meat or fish and vegetables, pasta, or pizza.
“There are a lot of cultural differences between India and the U.S. eating habits are so different from back home. When you eat a meal at home, we usually eat using our hands. We don’t usually burp unless it’s with a family member, but still ask to be excused. Because India is so culturally diverse, eating habits also vary a lot within the country itself. We usually tend to cook meals for guests instead of take out options. Now more and more families are moving toward buying food from outside to save time to do other things, but primarily, we still cook and savor food. Eating etiquette among friends is also different here. In the U.S., friends usually eat their own meals and rarely share water bottles or cups, whereas in India, you could just pick up your friend’s water bottle and drink from it or eat from his/ her plate.” (Adi Divakar Venu, India)
“The daily dishes in America are always very simple. Salad, sandwiches, and hamburgers are very common.
People do not share dishes together although they may have food at the same time around a table. Everyone has their own plates or packages of food even when they hang out together. This is very different from the custom in many other countries such as China. A funny story happened to me 3 years ago. This was the first time I hung out with my American friends. I was the only Chinese student among them. I assumed we would share the dishes. After others ordered their food, I thought the food they chose was too much for all of us. So, I just picked a small desert. My friends were surprised and asked me why. They told me I couldn't be full by only eating this. I said the desert was enough and explained my reason. They all laughed and told me Americans are not used to sharing dishes together.
Another thing is you can find napkins on nearly every table which is very convenient.” (Yu 'Ellie' Fu, China)
Etiquette When Visiting a Home or at a Party
Generally, Americans don’t take off their shoes when entering a home.
'In Saudi Arabia and in a lot of Eastern countries, it is considered so rude to walk into a host's home with your shoes on. I felt uncomfortable at first when I visited one of my American friends. Sometimes, it is easy to forget to keep your shoes on. If that happens, apologize respectfully and put your shoes back on. If you're instructed to take them off, then you may.' (Bassam Alshammari, Saudi Arabia)
It is appropriate and kind to bring a small gift to the hostess of the home you’re visiting.
Americans expect guests to come punctually at the agreed time. If you must be late, it is considerate to let them know.
In homes, food is usually passed around the table and each person serves themselves. If you don’t want one of the dishes being passed, simply don’t take any and pass it to the next person.
Dating Nigerian Men
'In China, people usually follow a strict seating rule during a family dinner. If all family members are seated at a rectangular table, the hosts/hostesses and/or the senior members of the family usually sit at the far edges of the table in order to show their respected identity. Also, nobody should start eating before the senior members do. However, when I came to the United States three years ago, I found out that people here do not follow a specific set of seating rules at all. Most of the dining tables here are round and dinner participants can sit wherever they want to regardless of their identities or the shape of tables. When the hosts announce the beginning of the dinner, people start to pass the food containers around the circle. In this way, regardless of age, everybody sitting on the table can get their food whenever the container is passed to their hands. Whenever the person has food in his/her plate, he/she can start eating without having to wait until everyone gets their food.
Adjusting to this part of American culture always seems hard to me. Now, when I come over to someone’s house for a dinner, I usually observe how other people act on the table before taking actions. Since different households run under different rules, being an observant guest really helps you fit into a new environment and gain respect from others'. (Chubo 'Tony' Peng, China)
Eye Contact
Mandatory
In public, and particularly on public transportation, people avoid making eye contact with strangers.
'Eye contact is very important here, especially in a formal setting. It shows that you are paying attention to a speaker or to your speaking partner. I went to an internship fair at the main campus a month after I began my study here. It was a very big fair and of course, it was very formal. I talked to many recruiters. At first, I felt uncomfortable as they opened their eyes widely and stared into my eyes while I was talking. After a few conversations, I felt better because it was common. Another time while I was giving a presentation, many people stared at me; but this time it felt good, as I now knew they were paying attention to me.' (Orn Ngarmcroh, Thailand)
“I think eye contact etiquette here in the U.S. is much different than back home in Pakistan. Here you have to make eye contact with the person if you’re talking to him/her, but back home different genders don’t make a lot of eye contact.' (Ali Ayub, Pakistan)
Gender Issues, Interactions, and Perceptions
The PERCEPTION of same-sex physical touch (hand- holding, arms locked, etc.) is that the couple is homosexual.
Public physical affection is acceptable.
In the States, women are seen as equal to men and expect to be treated fairly. It is normal for both men and women to share the responsibilities of the home and children.
Safety for women: It is not a good idea for women to walk around on their own at night. It is better to stay as part of a group.
| Types of Interactions | Female to Female | Male to Male | Male to Female |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hugs | Yes, in casual settings | Mostly in casual settings | In Casual settings only |
| Hand Shakes | Sometimes yes, in both casual and business settings | Yes, in both casual and business settings | In formal settings and sometimes in informal settings |
| Greeting Kisses | Yes, in casual settings | No | Sometimes in casual settings |
| Holding of Hands | Sometimes, in casual settings | No | Yes, only in casual settings |
| Eye Contact | Yes, both in casual and business settings | Yes, both in casual and business settings | Yes, both in casual and business settings |
| Fist Bump | No | Yes, between friends in a casual setting | Rare |
(Table: Compliments of Anubha Gupta, India and Janose Osedeme, Nigeria)
“It is not unusual for young Americans to hug you when you greet them. In my home country (South Korea) hugging friends of the same gender means good friendship, but hugging friends with the other gender tends to mean more than friendship. The first time when my male American friend tried to hug me, I got a little surprised, but now I like to hug my friends.
In South Korea, female friends (high school or college) used to walk arm in arm with each other, and it means a close friendship (nothing more than that). Now I realize that in the United States, walking arm in arm with friends can mean more than friendship. We don’t need to confuse our American friends by walking arm in arm with each other.” (Kyungha 'Katie' Kim, South Korea)
Gestures
While potentially offensive in many cultures, giving the “thumbs up” can mean, “Good!”, “That’s cool!”, “Congratulations!”, or “Good job!” in the USA.
Pointing at people is seen as rude.
“In Japan, people do not use so many kinds of gestures, so I was surprised that American people move their hands so aggressively when they talk. The only movements Japanese people make in conversations are nodding and shaking the head. So at first I couldn't focus on the conversations because I was worried that their hands would accidentally hit me.
One more thing that I had to spend some time getting used to about conversations were facial expressions. American people often frown their faces when they say 'no' or 'I don't know' or ' excuse me?' in any normal conversation. When I was not yet good at speaking English, I often said 'excuse me?' to repeat my word again, and I was scared every time I was said it because I thought the person was angry at my bad English pronunciation.
Another difference in gestures I find is with the beckoning sign. In American culture, people move one or two fingers with their palms up when they want to say 'come here,' and move four fingers together with turning the palm down when they want to say 'go away'. However, in Japan, both 'come here' and 'go away' signs are with down-turning palm. When one wants to tell 'come here,' he moves the four fingers together from up to down, and when he wants to tell 'go away,' he moves his four fingers together from down to up. The American beckoning sign with moving one or two fingers looks impolite to me because it is similar to a Japanese gesture when they order a dog to come. And my Japanese beckoning sign confused my friends many times because I say 'come here!' with waving my hand palm down which was a 'go away' sign in American culture.” (Akiho Suzuki, Japan)
Getting in Line
In the U.S., people get in line and wait for their turn when buying tickets, shopping, using the restroom, or waiting for a bus, etc.
It is considered rude to cut in line or push your way through.
If you’re not sure whether there is one line or several lines, you should still wait your turn and simply get behind everyone who arrived before you.
Matters of Religion
Nigerian Men And American Women
“The American culture as it relates to religion differs slightly to the culture surrounding religion in the Caribbean. Being a catholic Christian makes it difficult for me to talk about other religions so I’ll speak more about the things I have observed in the churches I have attended in the US and compare them to the Caribbean.
In the Caribbean, the way in which one would dress to attend church is always formal, despite your religion or denomination. The first time I went to church in PA, I realized that most people took a more casual approach as it relates to the way in which they dressed to attend church. Attending church in America was the first time I’ve ever seen someone wear slippers and shorts to a church service. This doesn’t happen in the Caribbean culture. It was the first time I’ve ever felt overdressed in any church.
It seems to me also that time is the most important thing in America. I was amazed by how short the very same service was in America, compared to the Caribbean. It is almost impossible to find a church in Grenada that would finish in 45 minutes. I was rather surprised when the priest gave the final blessing 40 minutes into the service. The services that I know, last 2 hours minimum. I wasn’t upset, however, because I was happy to come home from church early.
Most of the churches in America have many different masses, in different languages, in order to accommodate the different groups of people present in America. In the West Indies each church would have one service mainly in the language of that particular country.
I think many people take their religion seriously in America especially the people that come from different countries. Many people use religion as a way to stick together in America since many churches are formed to cater to specific groups of people. For instance, the Haitians have their own church services, as well as the Africans and the Spaniards. Despite all the new things that are happening in America, many are strong in their faith and religious belief.” (Sean Horsford, Grenada)
Money
American appreciate their privacy, especially when it comes to matters of money. They would not like to be asked how much things cost or how much money they make. This is seen as an invasion of privacy and very rude.
“I know Americans do not like to talk about money, because of privacy. Sometimes, they even think it is impolite. So I barely do that. But I found an interesting phenomena, which is totally different from what I knew about America before I came here. In my old perspective, Americans always pay their own bills when they hang out together, even if they are best friends or in a relationship. Actually, they sometimes treat their friends without any special reason, the same as we do in China. Additionally, if they invite you to their home and you order food together, they will treat you as well.” (Chao 'Calida' Gao, China)
Personal Hygiene
In restrooms, it is expected to flush the toilet after use and to dispose of toilet paper in the toilet. Please ensure to wash hands after using the toilet. Ladies’ sanitary items should be put in the provided trash can.
Women shave their legs and underarms.
Americans typically shower every day and wear deodorant.
Americans blow their noses with tissues and dispose of them in a trash can.
Tap water is clean enough to drink and to brush your teeth with. Some people prefer to drink bottled and/or filtered water.
In the U.S., it is rude to spit in public.
Restaurant Etiquette
Tipping your server 15%-20% is required.
No tips are needed at fast food restaurants or for “carry out”.
“Doggie bags” are a common way to package leftovers and take them home.
Burgers, sandwiches, and pizza are eaten with hands, instead of utensils.
'Sharing food at dinner is not proper in the USA. Chinese people like to share food at the table, especially among family, relatives, or friends. Americans usually prefer to split the bill when having dinner together.' (Liping 'Cindy' Qin, China)
What Are Nigerian Men Like
'In my country, Brazil, we can go to a restaurant and not order anything or take a long time to order. In the end we always stay after eating to talk to whoever is with us and it may sometimes last for hours. You pay for your check whenever you want. In the U.S. you are expected to enter the restaurant, order, eat, pay and leave. Sometimes you don’t even need to ask for the check, and when you eat the last bite of food, the server may bring the check for you. In the beginning it was very weird and stressful to me, but I got used to it. If you do not want to eat, but just want to have drinks, you should ask the host/hostess of the restaurant if you can get a table or if you may go to the bar inside the restaurant. Some American restaurants are more relaxed and waiter/waitress will not pressure you so much to order, slowly we find the places that we feel more comfortable in.' (Patricia Flecha Amarante, Brazil)
Social Courtesies
Smiles are basic signals of politeness, a non-verbal way of being friendly.
“Small talk” is acceptable & is considered “nice”.
Americans like their personal space and stand about 2 feet apart when talking. Physical touching when in a conversation usually makes Americans uncomfortable.
'In America, personal space is needed when accidentally bumping into someone. If this happens, you may simply say, 'Sorry'. When needing to get by someone, always say, 'Excuse me' loud enough for the person to hear and then wait for them to move over.' (Agnesa Cherepanova, Ukraine)
Most people shake hands firmly and briefly when they meet for the first time or in a formal situation.
When people are good friends or family, they will sometimes hug each other to say hello, goodbye or thank you.
Kissing as a greeting, however, is usually only done between relatives and close friends (on the cheek) or between lovers (on the lips).
Displays of affection are acceptable in public.
If an American offers you something, they will understand your “yes” to really mean “yes” and your “no” to literally mean “no”.
“Something that I noticed here was that people are very friendly and sociable. You can greet any random stranger on the street and they will respond with the same enthusiasm. People appreciate it when you hold a door open for someone, and maybe these things might go un-noticed back in India. Back home I’ve never seen anyone look at another stranger and greet them randomly.
To students who are new to the US, some people here may seem rude because of the things they say, but they don’t say such things thinking that they are rude. I had an incident where I was out with my cousin and his friends who were all Americans. I was sitting in the back of my cousin’s friend’s car, and I asked him if I should wear the seatbelt sitting in the back seat and he said “I don’t care”. What I didn’t realize at that time was that he just meant he didn’t mind if I did or I didn’t, and I thought he was being rude. Over time, I realized that that is the way they usually talk to each other and that there is nothing rude about it.” (Adi Divakar Venu, India)
“In my opinion, Americans are used to having more personal space compared to Asians. It is often said that they prefer to talk with someone about two feet away. Please don’t be disappointed when your American classmates move back from you during a conversation.” (Kyungha 'Katie' Kim, South Korea)
Standards of Safety
Americans value safety!
Bike helmets are worn.
Seat belts are necessary.
Time Management
Dating In Usa From A Nigerian Man's Perspective Video
Time is an American value. There is an expression that says, “Time is money”. Americans “save” time and “spend” time like money in a bank.
The work/class week in America runs Monday-Friday. Saturdays and Sundays are both set apart as the 'weekend'.
It is important to show up to class, meetings, and social gatherings on time.
Trash, Littering, and Recycling
In general, littering is greatly frowned upon. It is viewed as being dirty, lazy, irresponsible, and un-cultured.
Although the penalties vary greatly, every state has a littering law.
The idea of recycling has become very popular among Americans in a collective effort to take care of the environment.
Not all Americans recycle, but local governments and organizations have made it an easy responsibility by providing recycling bins to homes, institutions, and public places.
Paper, soda cans, plastic, glass and more can all be recycled!
Quality products made from recycled materials are available for purchase.
Usage of First Name, Last Name, and Title
Most Americans, even in a business setting, will prefer to be called by their first name. However, it is good principle to address them by their title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., or Professor) and last name unless you are invited to do otherwise.
Americans may call you by your first name once they’re introduced to you. This is not considered rude, but may reflect a casual style.
In general, it is polite to initially call a woman Miss (Ms.) until you’re invited to do otherwise.
Using “Sir” and “Madam” are not common
“First of all, the first name is the given name, while the last name is the family name. In America, people write their first name before their last name. This is very different from the custom in Eastern countries. For example, Chinese people always write their name last name first.
The First name is used very often in American daily life. When you hang out with your friends, they will only call you by your first name. However, in many other countries, people call others by saying both the first and last name together. Here is a story that happened to one of my Chinese friends. He called his American roommate by using his given name and family name together. This made the roommate feel uncomfortable and think that this Chinese boy was rude.
Another tip is to try to say sorry and explain culture differences when you did something wrong because of misunderstanding about customs. People here are friendly and open. They will understand and forgive you after your explanation. Do not be shy!
The last names always come with titles. Of course, titles are used before the family names. You will use Prof. or Professor XXX as the title before the family to call teachers in college. Doctor or Doc may also be used for your professors based on the actual situations. Nonetheless, some professors prefer students call them by their first name. Professors will explain which way to call them is prefer during the introduction in first class. Hence, be careful to when you in the class. Another thing is about Mrs. / Mr./ Ms. You should use Mr. when you call a man. The other three are used for female. Miss is used for an unmarried female. Whereas, Mrs. should be used if the female is married. In situations which you do not know if the female is married or not, please use Ms.” (Yu 'Ellie' Fu, China)
“Some professors do prefer to be called by their title like 'Dr.' but many of the professors we have met at Penn State Harrisburg do allow you to call them by their first name. It just depends on the person and the environment.
I was raised to always show respect where it is due, which includes referring to people by their title and using their last name. At my internship, every single person that I have been introduced to and work for prefers that I call them by their first name or nickname (even the President of the Company). This honestly is slightly uncomfortable for me because my parents are big on respect.
Although it may be uncomfortable at first, I think using first names with people allows you to build a closer relationship. But like I mentioned before, it all depends if the person allows you as well as your environment.” (Marlene Castillo, Mexico)
Dating In Usa From A Nigerian Man's Perspective Free
“Coming to the USA from the Anglo-oriental cultural background in Pakistan where it is customary to call the seniors or professors in a formal and official way as 'Sir' or 'Madam', It took me quite some time in adjusting to the prevalent norm here in the USA. For instance, in Pakistan I could never think of addressing my professor as 'Dr. Vasavada' or 'Professor Vasavada' as I do here in the USA. In my culture, this way of addressing is considered disrespectful and way too informal. Similarly, in my culture, it is a norm to bend the head a bit while greeting a senior. But when I was new to the USA, whenever I did this gesture, I felt a visible astonishment on the face of my professors.” (Shahinshah Faisal Azim, Pakistan)